did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
