We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
