i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it glows. i had to have it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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