Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
