New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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