I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
