So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
