about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
