Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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