You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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