I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
