It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
