If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
