worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
