im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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