Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
