I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
