A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
