shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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