I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
