I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
