cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
