my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
