Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
