I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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