just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
