Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
