If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Of course I have a pirate flag
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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