hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
