in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
please don't ironically join a cult
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