a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
