He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
