final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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