32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
