thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
this just has baby written all over it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
