I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
