I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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