Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
