shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
did you just send me my own nude
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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