we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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