I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
