All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Randomize