You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
