no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We got so high we made milksteak
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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