I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
