drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
