don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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