I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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