Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
