It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Drake has all the answers
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
