She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
