Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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