What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
