Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize