she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
