there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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