I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
