i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
