fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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