She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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