Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
