At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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