two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
