so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
