dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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