she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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