yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
this hospital has no fireball
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
