I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
