I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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