Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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