Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
