for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
