I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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