They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
