you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
