Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
did you just send me my own nude
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
