apparently the secret to your success is patron
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sorry about my life...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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