I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
