Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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