We won't sleep together?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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