Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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